The Dads Center

Giving Myself Permission To Be Me; What makes you happy?

I've been in research mode, reflection mode and healing mode the past few weeks (well, months.)  It's time for some changes in my life and I've been sorting through what they might be and what they might become. 

The forces of evil have been whipping about me and my family for the duration of the summer of 2009 with the force of a Katrina wind.  Others have sought to bring ruin upon me and my household and I'm sure they're feeling very good about themselves and their worthless greed.  May God have mercy on you.  You'll need it. 

When I was younger, I wanted to be a novelist.  But the problem I had was the issue with the classic "Narrative Arc," where a story begins with a complication, it then becomes something of a crisis and then at the very end, we begin to see solutions developing that leave our cast of characters riding off into the sunset. You see, I like people too much and it pains me to see them cast about into a tempest of wickedness.  That's why I typically will only watch films like, It's A Wonderful Life at the beginning and skip the whole part of where George Bailey gets to the crisis section.  I then pick back up when he wants to live again.  That's just who I am.  I don't seek confrontation, I don't like confrontation, but if you bring it to my door, threaten me, or try to deprive me of what I've come by honestly, well, then I have a problem with you. 

My summer-long self analysis has given me pause to refocus on the things in life that make me the happiest.  The sad part is I'm still tied to people who would rather see only the negative, who think that it's someone else's job to provide them an easy ride, and they are entitled.  

Life is too short for all that drama.  We're only given so much time here in this life.  I don't understand why others choose to focus on what's wrong with life, rather than how to change it for the better. Maybe I never will. 

Yesterday I began reading "Crush It!" by Gary Vaynerchuk.  I bought the book using my Barnes & Noble eReader and I've been going through it here on my Mac.  (This is a great way to read a book like this because I can go through it and highlight it as I read.)  Gary's primary advice is to find what you like doing in life and begin doing it. 

"In this book I’ll explain step by step how to use all the social networking tools on the Internet to take whatever it is that rocks your world—the activity that you would do every minute if you could, the topic that you just can’t shut up about, the product that you would like to put in everyone’s hands—and build it into not just a business but a powerful personal brand that makes you all the money and, more important, brings you all the happiness you could ever want.", [Gary Vaynerchuk, Crush It!]

 He encourages readers to find their passion in life and then find a way to make that become your job.  Because of if it is your job, something you can support yourself with, then it won't feel like work and you'll be having the time of your life. 

I'm on that course of development.  I have been for the past couple of months in hours and hours of reflection, praying and taking long walks with myself.  It didn't take beginning to read this book yesterday to tell me to do this.  It was something I came to on my own.  

Throughout my life, I've had some great friends.  Through Facebook, I've been able to find some of my childhood friends, and I'm so thankful I've found them.  But when it comes down to it, friends, family, etc. the only thing that's going to make me happy is being who I am.  Me.  I can't be a person someone else wishes me to be.  I can't let external forces beyond my control ruin my life.  I must be quick to adapt, modify course, and keep on plugging.  (After all these years, it appears Marlo Thomas was right!)

I don't know where my life journey of today is going to take me.  In some ways, that's a good thing.  In others, I wish I knew so I could plan a little better.  

But no matter what happens today, no matter who tries to push mountains in front of my progress, no matter who makes up lies about me, no matter who tries to take things from me that I earned through hard work and dedication, I have a God in Heaven who loves me, who is going to protect me from the forces of that evil no matter what, and in the end, it is that same God who is going to smile upon me at the end of my long day's work, and tell me well done. 

My blessings in this life have been plenty.  My hardships have seemed to mount the past few months, but the evil of Satan, the greed and dishonesty of others, isn't enough to get me down, because no matter how hard they try, the one thing they can't deprive me of, is my freedom to be me.  

Product Bloggers Beware! New FTC disclosure requirements!

Finally, something from the FTC requiring the disclosure of information when one is blogging about a product in exchange for something from that company.  

From Mashable:

FTC to Fine Bloggers up to $11,000 for Not Disclosing Payments October 5th, 2009 | by Adam Ostrow


Bloggers now have up to 11,000 reasons to disclose when they are being paid to review products.

The FTC has updated its Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising for the first time since 1980, and among the changes, a requirement that “bloggers who make an endorsement must disclose the material connections they share with the seller of the product or service.” Fines for violating the new rule will run up to $11,000 per post.

Some more details from the FTC’s announcement:

“The revised Guides also add new examples to illustrate the long standing principle that “material connections” (sometimes payments or free products) between advertisers and endorsers – connections that consumers would not expect – must be disclosed. These examples address what constitutes an endorsement when the message is conveyed by bloggers or other “word-of-mouth” marketers. The revised Guides specify that while decisions will be reached on a case-by-case basis, the post of a blogger who receives cash or in-kind payment to review a product is considered an endorsement.”

Beyond straight up pay-per-post systems like Izea, it the new rules would seemingly apply to any situation where something of value changes hands between advertiser and blogger. For example, General Mills and Ford Fiesta bloggers would have to disclose the relationship they have with the advertiser.

Certainly, it seems like this is an update that’s time has come. While most well-run social media programs already include appropriate disclosure, there’s still no shortage of unscrupulous marketers using deceptive practices to sell products. Now, with the threat of serious fines, those who look to push the boundaries of ethical blogging will be doing so at their own risk.

Image courtesy of Thomas Roche

Engadget: 30% dropped iPhone calls normal; My solution is ...

I saw this piece on Engadet today and thought about the frustration I used to suffer driving down 635 here in Dallas and suffering the angst of another dropped call on my iPhone 3G.  Well, the solution I learned from an Apple Genius was to simply turn the 3G function off unless I was doing something with a lot of data.  Yes, I'm paying for 3G, but it was explained to me that AT&T had over extended its towers with the launch of the service.  When I went back to EDGE on my phone for making phone calls, the problem went away almost completely.  But here's the Engadget piece just in case you missed it.

Apple Genius says 30 percent iPhone call drop rate is average in New York

by Donald Melanson  posted Sep 30th 2009 at 12:29PM

To be sure, a certain number of dropped calls are to be expected when you're dealing with the wonders of cellular communication, but some phones do seem to fare worse then others when paired with certain carriers in particularly congested regions. Apparently fed up with such problems in New York, Gizmodo reader Manoj decided to stop by an Apple Store to see if something might be wrong with his iPhone -- this, after apparently being assured by AT&T that everything was all right on its end.

After a few tests, the Apple Genius determined that Manoj's phone was dropping 22 percent of its calls, which turns out to actually be "excellent" compared to most iPhone users in the New York area, where a dropped call rate of 30 percent is said to be average -- according to the dude at the store, anyhow. The Genius further went on to confirm that the phone was indeed "fully functional," and that the problem is "consistent with the service provided by AT&T." So, nothing to worry about, folks -- everything is "normal."

[Thanks, Canis]

I fell in love at the Apple Store. Too funny

This is funny. Get a Mac. Today. I know this feeling. My wife and I are both Macs.

The Governator is also the Hotwaternator, Watch out kids

Kari and I have had a similar issue in our house.  We also have four bathrooms and two water heaters, so you can imagine how fast hot water still disappears.  Well, From the New York Times' Jennifer Steinhauer, comes this piece about the Governator. 

Schwarzenegger to Children: Hurry Up in There!

By JENNIFER STEINHAUER
Published: September 25, 2009
LOS ANGELES — In a new twist on an old saw trotted out by generations of parents who think their children have it easier, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has taken to monitoring his children’s water use by timing how long they spend in the shower. If they are in there too long, he said, he turns off the hot water midstream, inciting screams.

In remarks to the Commonwealth Club of California in San Francisco, where he was commemorating the third anniversary of the state’s ground-breaking law to reduce gases that contribute to global warming, the governor described growing up in Europe after World War II, when efforts at conservation were pervasive, and complained about his four children’s lack of similar discipline.

“We were taught to always switch off the light when you go and leave the room, and that you can only use water sparingly or to drink,” Mr. Schwarzenegger said. “That’s it. Not to waste any water, period. So it’s a totally different atmosphere.”

But his children are prone to taking 15-minute showers, he said.

“So I finally had to implement rules at home,” the governor said, “and tell them that if they take showers that are longer than five minutes that there will be consequences, like they will not be able to go out, where they will not be able to bring friends over, and on and on and on.”

And that is not all.

“I will sometimes spy on them when it comes to the showers and time them,” Mr. Schwarzenegger told his tittering audience. “And I told them if I catch them, there will be something built in that I have from Europe, which only allows you to take a shower for five minutes and then it turns off automatically, which they have in Europe in gymnasiums so you don’t take a shower for too long.”

File that under “things could be worse.”

95 Days until Christmas 2009, just saying.

New #EASACTIVE video, way cool

This made me smile.  I'm still down a lot of weight and as soon as I kick this diverticulitis, I'm back up early in the a.m. and turning fat to thin air. 

On Blended Family Knees; Good shall overcome evil

Someone asked me the other day what my favorite step-family movie was.  My answer?  I don't know of one that accurately portrays what really happens when you try to mix the two. 

Three and a half years ago, Kari and I were married.  We set out on this journey with my three girls and her three sons and a daughter and thought naively that putting together two different family operations would be, well, doable. 

Three and a half years later, we're still trying, but it's been anything but easy. Nothing like a Hollywood movie, for sure.

Family rules are different.  Family discipline is different.  Sleep schedules are different.  Eating schedules, preferences for foods, etc. all different.  You name it, it's different. 

But that's not to say it's  impossible. We've come a long way as a family in three and a half years under one roof.  We've dealt with some incredible challenges as well. We've dealt with things in the past.  We've dealt with outside forces that seem intent on ruining our lives.  We've dealt with life, illnesses, job changes, you name it; it's all been thrown at us in one way or another.

Satan is at our doorstep constantly.  He's searching for every way to make our Godly family into one that is not.  Damnable lies, injustices, innuendo all those things have been hurled our way over time, but Kari and I remain faithful to the Lord and know that in the end, good will somehow prevail; that truth will somehow find it's way back into the light of day.

I'm so thankful for all seven of the children in my family.  I'm blessed to have Kari as my faithful wife.  These days are some of the roughest yet, but these, too, shall be overcome. Glory to God.  Glory--to God.

The Arrangements, Mad Men Season 3 Thoughts

Kari and I faithfully watched Sunday night's "The Arrangements" episode of Mad Men and "My Old Kentucky Home," last week, and have really come away with a deeper interest in the show. 

After watching the "My Old Kentucky Home" rendition of Roger Sterling singing to his new bride in blackface; in Peggy hitting the town for some promiscuous sex; for Sal and his developing expressions in homosexuality, etc.; it seems to me that this season has been more about Don Draper trying to be good, (save the steward who decided she wanted to take a chance in Baltimore,) and that the opening bumper with Don free falling off the building should be revised to see some of the other characters reaching maximum velocity sooner than him.

The show ended last night with Don folding up the cot that Grandpa Gene had been using during his relatively short stay with the Drapers, thus closing what he thought was a chapter of life, not being aware of the influence his late father-in-law has had on Sally (Kiernan Shipka.)  In the Facebook quotes today, fans of the show have repeatedly said that this young actor deserves an Emmy nomination for the way she's handled her young self so far this season. 

And yet to check out the AMC Mad Men Web site, Sally isn't even included as a "character," and neither is Grandpa Gene, but Herman "Duck" Phillips remains. 

My guess is what the writers are trying to show us is that while we may see one character clearly in a free fall, until we get to see what's happening in the lives of those around him, we see they're falling, too, but in different ways.  And isn't that the way life really is?

I know I struggle each and every day.  Some days I think I've got it harder than anyone else on the planet, and then I'm exposed to the grief and troubles of others around me, and some times, I don't think I've got it so bad after all.

Maybe that's what makes this show so interesting to watch.  It's also a poke at the political correctness of our day when we see pregnant mothers drinking and smoking, kids driving Lincolns at age 10, drinking like a fish at the office, flying from NYC to Baltimore instead of taking the train, heck, families leaving all their trash from a picnic out on the grounds, and stirring us all watching to ask, could it really have been like that?    

Betty Draper, though pregnant, long has been in a tailspin of her own.  The woman clearly isn't happy, and we all know that goes beyond her pregnancy.  From comments from Grandpa Gene to Sally, we see that he thinks she's been like this a long time.  But as off the wall as most of what Betsey's father said while a part of the show, a grain of salt must be taken as one considers her position.  And given her opportunity to spend the last days of his life with her dad in her own home, she missed out on so much of it.  Was this because of her pregnancy?  Where was she when Grandpa Gene had Sally Driving?  Where was she when they were eating ice cream sprinkled with salt at the dinner table before dinner? Gene intimated she wasn't home by looking out into the yard.

Peggy clearly is interested in becoming "one of those girls."  Which one of them she desires to become we will only have to wait to see.

My Girls & I at The Dallas Museum of Art; I miss you, Gramps

The girls and I went to The Dallas Museum of Art on Saturday, Sept. 5, 2009.  It was the first time we'd been there together since the twins were very young; so young that we had a special escort from the people in the blue coats because they were worried the twins were going to touch a painting, sculpture, etc.

Every day, they have a special area for kids.  After going through the four floors of the museum, we wound up in the kids crafts area. 

There was a large wall that had squares of textures on them.  Each person was granted an opportunity to write on a post it note and then attach it to the wall. 

My Grandpa, the late Andy Sheptak of Northern Indiana, an immigrant from Czechoslovakia, an artist, a steel worker, and a source of a lot of inspiration to me, used to take me to the museums of Chicago when ever I would get to the Chicago area.  We had such great times and good memories.  

So I missed Gramps on Saturday.  And here's how I thanked him for all the visits of our own: